Nathan Gehlert's Blog

New Research Begins on Imago Therapy

Nathan Gehlert — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:26:28 +0000

Over the past two decades, Imago Relationship Therapy has become a worldwide leader in the field of marriage counseling, with over 1,000 Certified Imago Therapists helping couples in over 25 countries. Now, the practice of Imago therapy is about to take another big leap forward, as a group of researchers plans to study Imago's effectiveness through quantitative research with couples across the United States.

The goal of the research is to establish Imago as an evidence-based practice. In the field of mental health, evidence-based practices are those that have demonstrated, through clinical trials, their effectiveness in helping people. “The managed care movement has spawned an atmosphere of outcomes and assessments. We can no longer say any therapy works just because we see what seems like improvement. We have to empirically validate what we do,” says Wade Luquet, Ph.D, an Imago therapist and Associate Professor of Sociology and Human Services at Gwnedd-Mercy College.

In August, the Imago Relationships International (IRI) research team met on Orcas Island, WA at the home of relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman, to consult about upcoming research projects. “As we move towards establishing Imago as an evidenced-based practice, it’s invaluable to us to learn from the Gottmans and their experience conducting their own research,” says Imago Center DC’s Nathan Gehlert, Ph.D., who participated in the meeting. Gehlert is in initial stages of planning a study of Imago therapy at The Imago Center of DC. He is also collaborating with the Imago research team and principal investigator Theresa Beeton-Clark, Ph.D., on another clinical trial involving Imago faculty.

The collaboration between IRI and other leading relationship clinicians and researchers began in 2010, when Imago co-founder Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. hosted the Gottmans, Dan Siegal, M.D., Marion Solomon, Ph.D., Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.,Jeffrey Zeig, Ph.D., Lilian Borges Zeig, Ph.D., Sue Johnson, Ph.D., and Jette Simon and Rich Simon, Ph.D., for a weekend at their home.

According to Hendrix, “the invitation was to explore how we might collaborate and extend our therapy systems into a couples' education project that might become a movement at the national and global level.” After two more meetings, the group has informally become the Couples Education Think Tank (CETT). “We have clarified that our mission is to impact cultural consciousness with the fact that healthy couples are indispensable for a healthy society so that supporting healthy couples becomes a primary cultural value,” says Hendrix. Part of CETT’s goal in supporting couples is to become a repository of scientific information on relationships and perhaps vet programs that have proven effectiveness.

“Harville and John and Julie share the primary vision of helping couples,” says Gehlert. “That is more important than enrolling couples in their own workshops or selling more of their books.”

To Tani Strain, M.A., chair of the Imago Research Planning Committee, the future seems bright for research into the clinical effectiveness of Imago therapy. “I see the strengths of our research team as a number of people with a common passion to research Imago, who bring many skill sets to the process. I see a future of possibilities,” she says.

This article is cross-posted at http://www.imagocenterdc.com/blog/2011/10/09/new-research-begins-imago-therapy

9 Tips for Surviving the Stress of Engagement & Dealing with Cold Feet

Nathan Gehlert — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:20:00 +0000

Two of my ideas made it onto this list of 9 Tips for Surviving the Stress of Engagement. Here's one:

Set Aside Time to Talk

Even when you’re deep into the wedding planning process, set aside a time each week to talk about how your relationship is going, says Professional Counselor Nathan Gehlert. You’ll be spending a lot of time focusing on the wedding, and it’s important to have this time to be able to check in with each other about your connection.

Read the article at The Plunge Project to see the rest of the list.

10 Great Fall Date Ideas

Nathan Gehlert — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:05:12 +0000

When couples participate in the Imago Getting the Love You Want Workshop, the group spends time brainstorming about fun date ideas. Perhaps not surprisingly, it’s usually the women who have lots of ideas and there are usually chuckles from the guys about many of the ideas. Do I really want to get a pedicure as a date? Not really.

Here are 10 man-friendly great fall date ideas from artofmanliness.com. Autumn is my favorite time of year and it’s a great time to get outside and do something special together.

8 Tips to Feel Happier

Nathan Gehlert — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 18:07:29 +0000

Broadly speaking, there are two components to therapy: talking and doing. Both stages lead to feeling different and increasing levels of well-being. The talking stage involves developing understanding of the issue at hand and strategies for dealing with it. The doing stage involves practicing change and actually changing. Typically, people will only feel slightly better as a result of talking about their issues. Beginning to "do" can be a big hurdle for some people, but it's only when we do that we can really beginning to feel better.

Gretchen Rubin, author of the bestselling book The Happiness Project, shares 8 tips for beginning to feel happier about yourself. The key is doing activities that help us feel more worthy of our own respect.

Do you have to be crazy to be a reality TV star?

Nathan Gehlert — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:39:03 +0000

I was interviewed yesterday by Liane Bonin Starr at Hitfix about the prevalence of narcissistic traits in people on many reality TV shows. Here's an exerpt of the article:

The suicide of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" husband Russell Armstrong has spurred a lot of talk about the nature of reality television, with one L.A. Times journalist suggesting "at this point, the willingness to appear on a situational reality show should be classified as a symptom of emotional instability, if not a mental illness in itself." While television critic Mary McNamara might have been engaging in hyperbole for humor's sake, it's hard to deny she has a point.

While she was speaking specifically of "The Real Housewives" franchise, you also have to wonder about the sanity of anyone who would appear on, say, shows like "Flavor of Love" or "Teen Moms." Still, though it's easy enough to dismiss reality TV fame hounds as unstable, to what degree are we talking about? Are these people just big personalities harmlessly chasing their fifteen minutes, or is something actually amiss? I talked to Nathan Gehlert, PhD, LPC of the Imago Center in Washington D.C. and Judith Orloff MD, Assistant Clinical Professor Psychiatry at UCLA and author of "Emotional Freedom" and "Second Sight." The answer is a little more complicated than you might think, but let's just say McNamara might be onto something. Read the rest of the article here.

Relationship Rules You Should Break

Nathan Gehlert — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 15:42:36 +0000

We’ve all heard the suggestion that a couple should never go to bed angry. It’s actually terrible advice. One of the most important relationship skills is learning to contain our reactivity in disagreements and recognize that “right now” may not be the best time to try to resolve conflict. Why is this, especially since going to bed angry seems so counterintuitive? Different people react to conflict differently. Some people withdraw, others fight back. Whatever the reaction, this response is governed by our brain’s amygdala, which is the most primitive part of the brain that’s responsible for this fight-or-flight reflex. In conflict, it also engages the production of the stress hormone adrenaline. It becomes very difficult for a couple to easily resolve a disagreement when these psychological and biological responses have been triggered. In these situations it’s as if we’ve been reduced to our most primordial state. That’s why these late night debates are so ineffective and can literally last hours.

It’s important for a couple to be able to say, “you know, now’s not the best time to talk about this” and to then schedule another time to talk. This allows for conversation at a time when the couple can be less reactive to each other – and actually use the higher, more evolved part of the brain. It takes practice, and setting an appointment to finish the conversation is important, but this skill ultimately leads to more productive and connected dialogue.

Can Video Games Destroy Marriages?

Nathan Gehlert — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:41:19 +0000

Is World of Warcraft really more addictive than cocaine!?

According to some experts, video game addiction responsible for destroying many marriages and relationships. Instead of spending time with their girlfriend or wives and family, some men are sitting in front of the computer screen or T.V for over eight hours a day escaping reality. World of Warcraft, is the online game getting most of the blame, allows players to create their own fantasy character to complete different adventures. The game has been said to be even more addictive than cocaine! In fact, several people in China have died playing the game because the gamers lacked sleep and nutrition from nonstop playing.

It sounds a bit extreme, but sadly it has happened. So why does it get to that point? Nathan Gehlert, Ph.D. has worked with couples who have dealt with video game addiction.

Read the rest of this article...

Can Women and Men be "Just Friends"?

Nathan Gehlert — Tue, 03 May 2011 19:02:47 +0000

A good-spiritied debate with a colleague, Adam Sheck, Ph.D., and relationship coach Marni Battista:

Finding the Perfect Mix for a Blended Family

Nathan Gehlert — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 19:26:24 +0000

From eHow Family (By Shannon Philpott, an eHow Contributor):

Nathan Gehlert, a psychotherapist in Washington, D.C., recommends families have multiple conversations about concerns before the change actually happens.

"Often unknowingly, families strive for a sense of balance in the family system," Gehlert said. "When two families are brought together, there are lots of new variables in each family that will cause imbalance in the other family's system."

The imbalance may stem from a child's need to hang onto a certain mealtime or holiday tradition. It's important for parents to notice differences as they arise and discuss them openly with the entire family, Gehlert said.

"Parenting styles are one area where the parents need to try their best to be on the same page and present a united stance to their children," Gehlert said. "Then, listen to the children's reactions, express empathy for their feelings, and try to validate their perspective. While they may not agree or like the change, they will at least appreciate the compassion."

Read the entire article on eHow Family.

Do We Reveal Too Much About Our Kids Online?

Nathan Gehlert — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 19:59:19 +0000

From PBS.org:

Still other experts believe the “proud parent” behavior is tied to evolution. “In many ways, we're biologically wired to promote our children, and the Internet and social media provides a convenient and effective way to do this,” explains Nathan Gehlert, a Washington, DC-based psychotherapist. “Parents really [want] to do anything in their power to promote the well-being of their children.”

Read the full article: http://to.pbs.org/fOK5xB