Can Women and Men be "Just Friends"?

 A good-spiritied debate with a colleague, Adam Sheck, Ph.D., and relationship coach Marni Battista:

Being Single on New Year's

In her likely well-intentioned quest to help singles feel good about their relationship status, Barbara Hayes makes some critical errors in judging the relative benefits of being single on the New Year (CNN article). Let me be clear, I prefer not to judge the relative superiority of one relationship status over the other. There are plenty of happy and unhappy single and coupled folk. To paraphrase the old saying, you really have to just make the best of the hand your dealt or the hand you've chosen. Hayes attempts to defend singlehood by saying that if the choice is between being single or in an unhappy relationship, then she'd "take single anytime." As I used to say to as a kid, "well, duh!" Hayes goes on to say, "New Year's Eve can actually be a time to celebrate being single and not being in a bad relationship." She really presents a false choice, because lots of people are happy in relationships and lots of people are miserable while single. I wonder which of those she'd choose.

The real truth is that if you're happy while single or in a relationship, then do take a moment to celebrate your life. And if you unhappy for whatever reason, then New Year's can be a great opportunity to commit to making change.



• Retro Dating

We've all been there: you've just broken up with your special someone, said your goodbyes ("I don't think we should see each other for a long time"), and then, without warning, you start doubting yourself. Maybe it starts with an email, or a text, or a phone call, but before you know it the two of you are back together.

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• Nice guys finish last?

In my practice, I get to hear both sides of a common struggle of the sexes: women struggle to find a good, quality guy and some of the guys who fit that description can't seem to get the women. What's this all about?

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• Navigating the 'Quarterlife Crisis'

"My father never talked about buying a sports car in his middle years, but I sure feel like I could use one - or at least a six month trek across Europe", said James, a 27-year-old client who worked for a federal agency and couldn't stand sitting in front of a computer for nine hours each day at his third post-college job. He also frequently expressed disdain at the fact that he was living in a group house with four other twentysomethings, that he could barely pay all his bills (especially the student loan), that his mother kept asking him about his singlehood, and that he had no real vision for his future. James often spoke of feeling in crisis.

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